♪ Time is such a funny thing

♪ You turn around and it's gone

Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry
♪ So many things are meant to say

Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry
♪ But the word are came out wrong

♪ Of all things with remerbering

♪ You're the best things in my mind

♪ I had a chance but I never had the time

♪ Time ~~

♪ Where did you run to?

♪ I always thought that we were friends

♪ Time ~~

♪ You know I trusted you

♪ You came so close but you slipped right through my hands

♪ News and you with something

♪ That just never close to my mind

♪ Can have the chance but I never had the time

Will the last person in Seattle please turn out the lights

Hey, Ace.

And I was wondering... What if we do the Matador instead of Chrysler,

What kind of bucks?

I thought we weren't gonna think about bucks any more.

Well, I'm not. I'm not. I'm just wondering.

Speed is expensive. how fase you wanna go?

Nice little town.

Any town is nice little town when you nail a broad.

Turned to get nervous, huh?

There she is.

Price of food's going up. You know what I mean, D?

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I figured you are.

We'll get back to the number 18 song in the chart...

Hey don't forget to stop by our KMFM broadcast news

Yours truely Hurricane Huff will be Mike Syde from 9 to noon taking your request

OK, the school barometer predicts a sunny day with highs in the mid 80s.

Hey, in your hurry to get to school, don't forget to take your lunch and your book...

We'll get right back to the number 18 song, I promise you, after a word from Sonny's Drive-In.

Hey! Asshole!

What did I tell you, Mrs. Stanton?

That if it was for you, they'd ask for the man of the house,

And if it was for me, to tell them I'd call them back.

I was washing my hair.

[phone ringing] Hello?

Yeah?

Everything under control?

Yeah. Merchandise on time?

It's been delivered and it's just waiting.

OK, Bunkie, I'll see you real soon.

All right, it's time. Call him.

I said, call him!

[ring tone] It's ringing.

[phone ringing]

Mr. Stanton, would you OK this check?

You don't have the lady's driver's license number.

Yeah, Would you like me to get that?

Oh, no, no, I've got that. You know her?

Oh, God, please answer.

Maybe you'd better dial again. The right number this time.

But I did. I did dial the right number.

[phone continues ringing] Stanton here.

George? Listen to me.

Evelyn.

There's a man here, and he wants the money.

I told you exactly what to say!

I know my husband better than you do.

Please.

George.

He says they'll kill us if you don't give him the money.

Let me talk to him.

[phone ringing] - Larry? - Yeah.

All set.

Ok.

Only, uh, there's something I think I oughta tell you.

I changed my mind.

You what?

You were right.

I mean, you take Moody Stocker.

If that 8-DL fuel cell's all it's cracked up to be,

How come Moody's still running a Firestone cell?

You son of a bitch.

Morning, Mr. Stanton.

It was supposed to be opened.

Mind if I use your phone?

It's a local call.

Lay down.

Oh, my God, no!

No!

Lady.

Lady, if I was attracted to rape, I would have waited till you finished your shower.

Now lay down and put your hands behind your back.

[phone ringing]

Whoever it is, get rid of them like I told you before.

Hello?

Uh, is the man of the house there?

Mm-hmm?

Yeah, howdy, partner.

We got a live one here who thinks maybe we're a couple of butterflies.

Yeah, he thinks a real stickup is something like a lot of hand grenades and guns or something.

You mind demonstrating that we mean what we say?

Yeah, that's right.

Oh, no! No, please.

George, you can't let him do this! Please!

No.

It's all right, Bunkie. I got it covered.

I'll see you soon.

[dial tone]

It'll be all right now, honey. It'll be all right.

Terrific.

Even brought my own bag.

Try not to squash the tomatoes.

Now, remember, we call you.

You try anything -anything- before you get that call,

And you cease to be a family man right then and there.

Hi, asshole.

What did you do with the keys?

Hey, you owe me 50 bucks.

What?

Well, listen. You gotta figure,

If you treat a decent girl like a whore, she should be paid like one, right?

If you don't give me those keys, I'm gonna pop you.

Ooh! You have something to eat.

I'm so hungry, I can't w...Oh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Robbery's a dangerous business.

That's right, lady. Now, let's have the keys.

- I'll go. - The keys!

OK. Relax.

[turns engine] [engine starts]

Those were the keys to my grandfather's pickup.

The keys to your grandfather's pickup?

That's beautiful.

OK, Miss Mary, have it your way, but any time you want out, you just holler, hmm?

You just holler.

[truck horn honking]

Jesus Christ. what the f'ck he's doing, anyway?

Did you see that crazy son of bitch?

Average.

[coughing]

I told you if you struggled, you'll puke.

If you puke, you'll choke to death on it.

[grunts] [coughing]

- You promise you won't say anything? - Yes.

- You won't yell, you promise? - Uh-huh.

OK. I'm trusting you, now.

- Mr. Stanton? - What?

It's 10:15. I have to get the cash drawers ready.

Oh, uh... Yes, yes, in a few minutes.

Is something wrong?

No! Would you go back to your office now?

Mr. Stanton?

They... They've got Evelyn and Cindy.

What? Where?

- At home. - I'll call...

Don't.

All set?

You'd better check with the stewardess in tourist section.

Good morning. Sleep well?

What's she doing here?

I work better with an audience.

No chance.

Look, I had about as much time to argue with her then as I got with you now.

Get in.

Her share comes out of your half.

Hey, listen, who says I want anything? 'Cause I don't.

Now, how can you not like somebody as full of shit as that, huh?

Maybe he just told you to wait for his call

to give himself more time. Maybe he's already gone.

[dialing]

- Evelyn...- We told you not to call here.

We told you we'd call you. Don't try it again.

[dial tone]

Listen, whoever you are, please...

Damn you! He already hung up.

I told you not to touch that phone.

Honest, I was spouting off to a dial tone.

[dialing] Look, uh...God...

You're a neighbor, and, uh, you're calling to chat.

[phone ringing]

We told you not to call here.

We told you we'd call you. Now don't try it again.

- Oh, did I get a wrong... - [dial tone]

- That is a tape. - Are you sure?

Yes. You heard the dial tone right after click, didn't you?

Yes.

Well, it takes at least 30 seconds for my phone to disconnect after an incoming call.

I'm gonna call the police.

[dispatcher] Car 9, Car 9, a 901-T.

Collision on Highway 9 and Mount Road

Cattle truck overturned, code 2

Ambulance on way. Repeat: Ambulance on way.

Code 2.

Oh! Two-way, right?

- Yeah. - Far out.

Hey!

Did you really have Charlotte won over till your car went kaflooey?

That's what I said, ain't it?

But no more, Deke, huh?

No more stock rods, no more portin' and polishin'.

Trick heads now, mister.

We're into cubic money. We're gonna own NASCAR.

Oh, yeah, sure. I'll tell that to Sam Baker.

[mocking]I'll tell that to Sam Baker.

[dispatcher] Disturbance on the corner of 47 ..

How in the hell do you know Sam Baker?

'Cause I was his old lady.

Till I went for a ride in Lou Palmer's Learjet.

- Blue Palmer's Learjet. - That's what I said.

That's what I said.

- Wait a second. Wait a second, tone it down. - [dispatcher] All units

be on the lookout for a blue 1967 or a 1968 Chevy.

Repeat: A blue 1967 or 1968 chevy bearing two male Caucasians aged 26 to 33.

No positive identification or distinguishing features.

May be accompanied by a blond female Caucasian approximately 22 years old.

- Thes man.... - Had to pick up a flag, didn't you?

If a man was smart, do you know what he'd do right now?

What?

I don't know. I thought maybe you'd know.

Car 19, Car 19, pick up Captain Franklin at his home.

Repeat: Car 19. Pick up Captain...

Get a teletype out on this! Tell them to notify the sheriff.

You know, that bastard Franklin is gonna shit when he hears a blue '68 Chevy.

That's all I got for me to go on, is a blue '68 Chevy?

I could locate of 50 of 'em by the time it takes me to pick my nose.

All right, give me the rest of it.

Held the wife and kid hostage.

- Anybody hurt? - No, sir. No guns.

How long ago did it happen?

Well, it was 15 minutes before we even got the call.

15...Ho, ho, ho, ho. 15 minutes?

Well, they used a tape gimmick on the phone, kept the manager from calling us.

- Anything else? - Uh...

Oh, yeah. A truck got in the guy's way. So he pancaked off a dozer ramp.

Locals figure it's souped.

Souped?

That's the driver, not the car. Let's go.

[dispatcher] Car 9, Car 9, wait for ambulance...

By the way, where are we going?

South.

Hey, listen, do you always meet someone for the first time and take an instant disliking to 'em?

Mary...

stop trying to get me to make joyful noises.

Well, I'm not.

Then be glad you're here.

Oh, I'm glad. I'm glad!

Now, where are we going?

S-o-u-t-h.

Your friend's a real dazzler.

D-a-z-z-l-e-r.

K-i-s-s o-f-f.

Hey, you really want to know if I had Charlotte won?

Yeah. OK. Hang on.

[truck horns honking]

Who else do you know can do that, huh?

With or without losing an $80 windshield?

- Funny, huh? - Yeah.

- You got the $80? - Twice times.

Let's get six of them.

Investigate 8459 at warehouse..

What the hell is this? A crap table? Huh?

Sir, we've blocked off every road leading to the freeway,

And we have units coming into this area.

You just break up all them roadblocks.

You put troopers in the Ranger lookout stations.

You call in all off-duty cars.

You pair them off, you start yourself a sweep search.

A sweep search?

You got trouble hearing me?

A roadblock can't find them, and I ain't waiting for them to find it.

Don't ask me any more questions. You do it.

Yes, sir.

[dispatcher] Attention, all roadblock units.

Disperse roadblocks and begin sweep operation.

Begin sweep operation.

Car 24, cross over to secondary road, cover area eight.

Car 16 and 7...

You set up roadblocks, you're supposed to keep 'em.

And the tape was supposed to give us a 20-minute lead, only it didn't.

Yeah, yeah.

So we got off to a bad start.

Well, you know what it means when somebody like me gets off to a bad start?

Not a goddamn thing.

[bus horn honking]

Everett, what the hell are you doing, playing around with a sweep search?

Well, you know me, Carl. I'm just a country boy.

What do I know?

I just figure I gotta find 'em, stop 'em.

Well, I ain't talking philosophies. I'm talking cars

Cars that we are not going to get because the appropriations committee

will not understand you busting up roadblocks.

You've been holding those cars over my head a year now, and I'm getting tired of it.

You know, Ev, lot of times I actually enjoy your making things harder for me.

But this ain't in the same category as your refusing to wear a gun or a badge.

Oh, Carl, come on. Will you stop watching them Hollywood TV shows?

I mean, what the hell is the difference how I cut my hair

Or how I dress or if I wear a badge or a gun? Is that important?

Well, I'm not standing up in no more meetings and defending you.

Well, that's fine. Next time you get in front of that

appropriations committee, you know what you tell them?

You tell them that these suspects... they ain't gonna get away. That's for sure.

And I'm doing it for me, for my own personal reasons.

It's got nothing to do with you or you getting your new patrol cars.

Kiss my ass.

Ah, Carl.

That's not nice.

[dials] Sheriff's department, please, right away.

You keep this up, you're gonna haul in a cop.

Hey, sounds like Miss Mary's getting afraid.

Oh, no, it's not that.

It's just I'm a normal human being, and stupidity scares me.

Yeah, me too. So why don't you vacate, huh?

I second the motion.

Oh, sure, why not?

After all, I can always hitch a lift back to town, tell them you held me as hostage and, uh...

- Oh, there's bags of things... - Yeah, who you gonna tell that to, huh, Miss Mary? The cops?

Boys down at Ralston Purina? Huh?

Hey, Deke. Miss Mary ain't gonna do nothing or say nothing, except behave herself. Right?

Aah!

[horses neighing]

So help me, if you try another stunt like that again, I'm gonna braid your tits.

When you people are through impressing one another,

I'd like to get out and look at the car.

Oh, just beautiful.

Mister... we got us some problems.

- A biggie, huh? - Yeah.

Thanks.

Come on, let's get this turkey undercover.

Mount Russo lookout station reports a blue Chevy moving like a bat out of hell.

Too far for positive ID, but it sure sounds like it could be our suspects.

- Host aids Bucola PD. - Yes, sir.

But if they're going into those walnut groves, we'll lose them.

They'll go clean out of the state.

- Well, who the hell said that? - Well, you did.

Not about them, but that someday somebody was gonna be smart enough to...

Well, if I didn't say it about them, not much point in discussing it, is there?

No, sir.

- How many units you got outside? - Six.

- Well, you get 'em right quick out to Bucola Road. - Yes, sir.

"Yes, sir. Yes, sir."

Haul ass to Bucola!

Now, that was cute. That was real cute.

Move cars 9 and 12 off Route 4 over to Taylor Road.

And then you call Fish and Game, you tell them to send that helicopter over.

Yes, sir. Did you get that?

Well, come on. Come on, come on.

Headquarters to cars 9 and 12, Headquarters to cars 9 and 12.

This is a hell of a time for a pit stop.

Yeah.

Ah. Just like Europe...no toilet paper.

You hear that, Deke?

Dingleberry here knows something about Europe.

Well, I should do. I spent six months there.

Sure.

I did too. With Jamie Richardson.

With Jamie Richardson.

Hey, Deke, with Jamie Richardson, no less.

Oh, right. You don't even know who he is, dingbat.

If he ain't won Daytona twice, I don't give a shit who he is.

Well, for your information, he's the lead singer of the group Scorpion.